We often crave for what we do not have and, at times, at the expense of what we are blessed with! The common thought is, “If only I can have that, I’ll be very happy, I’ll be okay! I won’t be worrying like I am doing now.”
It is that easy to lie to oneself and internalize these lies. These lies begin to direct our attitude and, finally, our actions.
Fola’s Story
Fola, an annoyingly handsome married man with two kids—a boy and a girl—is a successful investment banker. He complains of the chaos in his home each time he returns. He would always fight with his wife for not keeping the kids away from him so he could have time to relax and think clearly about his business.
Because he often brings work home, he desires some peace and quietness. That, he believes, is what he deserves! He works hard all day, and he’s not asking for too much if all he wants is some alone time in his own house. The constant cries and fights between the kids are not something he wants to deal with.
Without acknowledging it, Fola only wants to be a father when it is convenient for him. But the time he is home isn’t usually a convenient period. He started secretly seeing a young lady from work, and on the weekends, he drives down to her house just to avoid the noise and disturbances at home. At least there, in her “chaos-less” apartment, he can ‘luxuriate’ with his mistress peacefully and quietly.
Tade’s Story
Down the same street, Tade and his wife of five years are childless. They have tried IVF twice, and it all failed. They have tried every prayer house they can, but things seem the same. Tade often finds himself sneaking off to his ex-girlfriend’s house for family time. His ex has a 10-year-old daughter, a child he fathered while they were dating, before he met his wife.
Tade craves a family with a child or two, and Vivi and their 10-year-old daughter seem to give him just that. The pangs of guilt aren’t stronger than his desire for a family. He grew up as an only child and longs for the connection he never had.
He often leaves his saddened wife at home at the slightest chance he gets to be with his daughter and in the ever-waiting arms of Vivi, his ex, who obviously wants him back. Before long, he started cheating on his loving wife, and it hurts him to think about it. He never thought he had it in him to sleep with another woman.
Morenikeji’s Story
Meanwhile, far away in another part of the city, Morenikeji complains about the lack of attention from her busy businessman husband. Yes, he provides everything and more for her, but to her, money isn’t everything.
She craves a man who cares, a husband who sees her, notices her, and knows when she’s sick or can discern when she’s happy or sad. She doesn’t want to be called needy; she wants him to notice without being told when she adorns a new dress or has her hair done. She wants him to throw her compliments and notice her presence, not treat her like one of his properties.
She wants her husband to be there for her physically, emotionally, and spiritually. She has complained frequently, but nothing has changed, so she decided to stop talking and start “taking care of herself.”
She met a younger guy in whom she finds solace. Ekeng isn’t rich and doesn’t live in a rich neighborhood like Morenikeji, but she sees no trouble driving down to his neighborhood just to spend time with him in his one-room apartment.
She seems to love the simplicity of his life and the fact that Ekeng thinks she is the most beautiful woman on earth. To crown it all, he tells her this all the time. Once she’s around, nothing or no one else matters. Morenikeji also loves that he puts her first, truly listens to her blab away, and, above all, makes love to her soul.
Bibiana’s Story
But then, Bibiana, another housewife who lives across the street, is frustrated, in despair, and irritated by the fact that her “loser” of a husband has not been able to keep a job. He is so poor that she couldn’t even afford the latest hair extension she saw at the shopping mall on her last birthday. She is finally tired of trying to cover for him with both of their parents. Tired of spending her meager earnings on the family, she is tired of seeing other women afford to wear gold while she wears mere fashion jewelry.
Through a mutual friend, she met Nick, a rich businessman who is very ready to give her everything money can buy, as long as she would be his escort and warm his bed anytime he’s in town.
Nick isn’t as romantic, caring, or loving as Jed, her hubby, but he dishes out enough dollars that his attitude towards her is… what? Oh well, nothing, none!
Nick makes love to her like she is his slave. He enjoys her cries. While she cringes in horrifying pain, he pounds away, and once he’s done, he throws money at her like she’s some cheap wh*re.
Jed could never bear to see her suffer like that. Jed is a careful lover, and he takes his time on her body until she begs for him. But what can poor Bibiana do? What other choice does she have?
She would always tell herself that she did what she had to do. She has to look classy to claim class, so she is not looked down on. So it’s okay to take Nick’s brutality as long as the money flows and no one knows.
BEWARE OF THE LIES YOU TELL…
We live what we tell ourselves. What do we, as human beings, want? What do you think you need to make you happy? What really makes a person happy?
The simple fact is that these people chose to fight alone instead of with their partners. They chose what they thought would give them the happiness they craved. And in doing so, they destroyed the relationships they already had.